Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Hey you! Yeah, you! The one driving the Midlife Crisis on Wheels....

I'm a bit of a car freak.  My uncle's a car freak.  One of my best friends is a car freak.  2 of my ex-boyfriends were car freaks.  My dad's a car freak, and I am my father's daughter.

So that means, typically, I notice nice cars when I encounter them on the road.

I also have a pretty good understanding on what attracts certain people to certain cars.

Ahem.  If Men Were Like Cars

So.  When I get cut off while driving on an essentially empty road while on my way to work at 6:30AM by a balding dickhead in a Corvette, a few things instantly go through my mind.

1. It's 6:30 in the morning and the roads are empty.  You're more than capable of passing me WITHOUT cutting me off.  Dick.
2. What's the fucking hurry?  It's  6:30 IN THE MORNING!! Dick.
3.  You're a dick.

I get it.  You're older, you can now afford the sports car that you couldn't afford when you were 25.  You're also clinging to the youth that passed you by a few years ago.  I get it. And I notice you.   Problem is, like a girl wearing too tight clothing, or a too short skirt, I'm noticing you for the wrong reasons.  Didn't your mom ever teach you that not all attention is good attention?

Your intent was probably to have people notice how big your penis is, I mean how fast and expensive your car is.  And honestly, if you drive a nice car people are going to notice it.  But do you know why I noticed you?  Because you're being a dick.  You're rude, impatient and potentially a reckless driver as well.  And like the girl in the miniskirt, it means I notice you, but you're not worth a second thought.  Pretty to look at but that's about it.

So do the world a favor.  Make me notice you for the right reasons.   By all means, drive a nice car.  Because it's a NICE CAR.  But don't make me remember you because you're the dick who cut me off.  Being an dick isn't sexy.



p.s. Bit of a late disclaimer but I know that some women deal with a midlife crisis as well.  Cougars.  'Nuff said.


  1. LOL, this made me laugh. :) I also have a tendency to ignore guys in fancy cars in general. I feel like they are trying TOO hard to be noticed, so I don't want to give them the satisfaction!

    1. Exactly. I notice the car but ignore the guy. Unless he's being a dick.

  2. Fancy cars do NOT impress me. Every now and then, I'll get a message from someone on OkCupid that features a picture of him with his car, or he lists "BMWs" among his interests. Compensating for something, are we?

    1. LOL. I enjoy a nice car. But honestly, a dude using his car to empress? Cheesy. A nice car speaks for itself, if you have to flaunt it, yeah you're compensating for something.