Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Today's Just One of THOSE Days

Ever have one of those days that's just a little off from the second you wake up?

First off it's the end of January and it's foggy and 2C out (that's about 35F for you crazy imperial people).

That wouldn't be THAT shocking if it hadn't been -25C (-13F) with the windchill for a few days just last week.

This morning I also got the awesome pleasure of having a shower that involved no hot water.  Because seriously, my apartment has not hot water today.

Ever tried to rinse conditioner out of your hair with cold water?

Yeah, not so easy.
Yes, I was THIS fucking cold.

After spending 5 minutes of being plastered to the wall on the HOPES that the water was just experiencing a random temperature spike, I came to the conclusion that this shit wasn't getting any warmer and I should probably scrub quickly before shit started to freeze.

I don't even know if I'm clean at this point but I was getting the hell out of there.

Fast forward an hour and I'm warm-er, drinking tea, listening to music and 'enjoying' a long and crowded commute on a very packed Toronto Streetcar.

When sitting in one of the seats across from where I'm standing I spot a super hot guy.  OK, he wasn't SUPER hot but this is why I'm gonna put him in that category:

First, he was reading a book.
Second, that book was written by Terry Pratchett
Third, it was a library book which means this was probably not a reading anomaly.
Fourth, he gave up his seat for an older woman.

So even if he started out only kinda cute, he just got 4 bonus hotness points. 

Which made me think.

My criteria for hotness has drastically changed in the last 5 years or so.  5 years ago I would have looked for tattoos and or general hotness.

Now I'm like, literate and has manners?

Sign me up.

Final on my list of STUFF today is the fact that I have the dreaded Therapy session tonight.    For those of you that have been reading along, I mean THIS Therapy session.  Where I deal with potentially breaking up with my Therapist.  

The bottom line for tonight is going to be that, although what we've done has helped me understand WHY I feel the way I do.  I want help with the next step.  The getting over it step.  Because honestly?  Still feel pretty shitty inside and knowing why I feel that way isn't really helping me NOT feel that way.

Add on to that the fact that the rescheduling, snarky conversation that happened a few weeks ago has essentially broken whatever comfort level I had with her and suffice to say, I'm not looking forward to the conversation.

Part of me is worried that if I opt to not book another appointment with her, that she's going to try and change my mind.  At the end of our sessions she tends to just tell me when I'm coming next and I've realized that I'm not OK with that.  But I also don't know how I'm going to deal with it if she does push back.

Worst case scenario if she gives me a hard time is that I'll book an appointment and then break it down in an email for her.  I don't want to go this route but honestly based on her attitude last time we spoke, I'm not too hopeful.

Did I mention that the whole thing has me so nervous I feel sick to my stomach?

Not good people.  Not good.



Obligatory Therapy Cat Picture


  1. Ain't no shame in breaking up via email. You don't owe her anything except payment for the sessions you've already had. Find a new shrink, get your moving-on on, and a literate polite fellow might just pop into your life. I'm sending any spare karma I have your way. (I'm sorry it isn't more spare karma. I'm kind of an asshole.)

    1. I want to try and do it face to face but honestly, it will depend on how she reacts to me telling her that I want something different out of our time together. If she cops attitude I'm basically just going to smile, nod and drop her like 3rd period French.

      YAY for International Karma.

      Anyone who loves Penguins could never be an asshole ;)

  2. Good luck Ash! (PS: It's supposed to be fucking 64 here or something. Which is insane.) Also, you should have talked to Hottie McReader! And-you can totally break up with your therapist. Tell her you're seeing someone else. That always worked for me. :)

    1. LOL Hottie McReader. I like that.

      Thanks. I'm really not looking forward to it but at the same time if I buckle and go back, I'm going to be super pissed at myself because I've been unhappy dealing with her since before Christmas.

  3. I think it would be therapeutically beneficial to break up with her in person if possible, like you're aiming to. Even if she pushes back and tries to auto-appointment you, just try your best to speak up and tell her you're going to opt out of that. Good luck!

    Also, hot guy sounds hot to me....and it sounds like your hotness standards have shifted for the better. I, too, find different things attractive, and it's more a matter of the whole package than the surface so much as it used to be! :)

    1. I'd really like to be able to do it in person but I'm dreading it so much and I know I have a tendency to back down and try and please other people. Something I need to work on clearly.

      He was pretty hot. But not in an IN YOUR FACE kinda way. Subtle hot with manners and a library card totally works for me at this point in my life.

    2. I'm sure, like positive, you'll get some push-back from her. At the least, you'll get some questions. You got this, Ash. Just stick to your guns and express your concerns.

      Have you ever seen that guy before? you ride the train around the same time???

    3. OH I'm sure I'm going to get SOME kind of resistance or 3rd degree.

      I've never seen him before. There's a few usual suspects that live in my neighborhood and work where I work but this guy wasn't one of them. He was also already on the streetcar when I got on so he potentially lives east of me.....OMG just thought about this WAY too much. Walking away now....

  4. Therapists shouldn't be making sales pitches, so don't feel bad about "breaking up" and finding a better therapist.

    That sounds freezing, it's moments like that when I don't miss Chicago :)

    Have you heard of the site, Hot Guys Reading Books?

    1. It was pretty damn cold.

      OMG Hot Guys Reading Books? Someone sent me a link to Hot Guys With Cats which is just hilarious.

      Must. Google.

  5. It's my understanding that you pay a therapist to help you. Like, you're purchasing a service. You are allowed to stop purchasing that service at any time --- particularly when the service isn't working for you. Sounds like your therapist isn't so great. I really hope the breakup went well (I'm assuming it already happened by the time you read this comment, since I'm a bit late to the game!).

    PS. My hubz and I fell in love when he sat down at the computer next to me in the lab at college, and when he opened his backpack, out fell the exact same obscure, immense tome I happened to also be reading at the time --- and it wasn't required reading or course-work related for either of us, which means we're just big nerd-balls. I married my Hottie McReader. This should give you hope that there is a Hottie McReader out there for YOU as well. *Fingers Crossed*

    1. I officially love the term Hottie McReader. I'm glad you found yours and fingers crossed that there's one out there for me as well.