Friday, December 21, 2012

Happy Mayan Apocalypse, Festivus, Christmas etc.

Well, just in case the world ends I wanted to wish everyone an awesome holidays. 

Jasper and I are heading home to my parents place till the 27th so I can spend my birthday and Christmas with the family.

Hopefully the world won't end because I'm really looking forward to the Airing of Grievances and Feats of Strength on the 23rd. 

For anyone who doesn't know what Festivus is....

Happy Holidays from Ash....and Jasper too.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

The Holidays and Being Alone

There's nothing quite like the holiday season to really make it hit home, that you're alone.

Don't get me wrong.  I'll be spending my Birthday, Christmas and Boxing Day with my parents.  And I'll see my Aunts and Uncles on Christmas Day.  But it's not quite the same thing.

When you hit the age where your friends have paired off and are getting married, their priorities start to shift.  And as they should.  But it tends to result in the "single friend" being left behind.

Everyone's too busy around the holidays to get together for Birthday drinks.  And New Years plans are starting to shift towards doing thing with close family vs going out for a night of debauchery like us girls used to.

So although I'm getting together with friends to see a movie, and will probably have a lunch date.  Other than working, I'm doing nothing for the holidays.

In all honesty, it will be a nice break from the craziness that has been my job recently.

Part of it is the whole turning 29 thing, part of it is probably just feeling sorry for myself.

I just can't seem to get enthused about the holidays this year when I really have nothing to look forward to celebrating.



Kinda feeling like this cat looks

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

The Self Conscious Introvert GOES to a Party

I survived the staff Christmas Party that I was spazzing about when I wrote THIS.

We had a very nice dinner and then a bunch of us ended up at a bar afterwards.  The food was great, the alcohol was liberally applied and there were only a few minor catastrophes.  Nothing I couldn't survive.

So we closed our office at 4pm because all us girls had to rush home and primp in order to be at the restaurant for 6pm cocktails and 7pm dinner.

Now it's 15 minutes for me to get home in a cab, 40 if I take the subway.  So cab it was. 
Problem being, there was a huge accident up the street from my office and the police had shut down traffic in both directions.  So no cab.

Once I arrived home, I was already short about 30 minutes of primp time in an already condensed schedule.  I figured if I was going to arrive fashionably late at 6:15 or so, I needed to be in a cab and out my door by 5:45. 

Showered, contacts in, hair in the almighty towel turban I got all my accessories and stuff ready.

I started drying my hair and OMG, I need a hair cut.  It took me almost 45 minutes!!! to get the monstrosity that is my hair dried and straightened.  And that was a not perfect, rush job. 

So I'm dressed, primped and waiting for the cab (which took almost 20 minutes to pick me up BTW) and I'm out the door.

I get to the restaurant and I notice that OMG something in the car has snagged my pantyhose from above my knee all the way down to my ankle.  So I have the inner dilemma.  Leave them on, or take them off?

Thankfully NOT one of my co-workers
Off they went because having a snag on black hose is just tacky and visible.

To make things worse, my hair is not staying straight and making every attempt to burst into it's natural curly/wavy form which will eventually result in me looking like I stuck my finger in a light socket. 

Did I mention I actually woke up with a pimple on my nose that morning?  Yeah, I did.  My karma is THAT GOOD.

All in all, once I had a few drinks I didn't care that my legs were freezing, my hair was getting bigger by the minute and that my eyes were starting to hurt from the contacts that I very rarely wear. 

It was a good night. 

And then it started.  One of the firms partners and 2 of the directors decided that they needed to turn my dating life into a project. 

See this is what happens when you work with marketers.

There was the discussion that I needed to figure out what my brand image was, determine what consumers....I mean men I wanted to target and then come up with a communication plan.  To top it off, they are going to write my online dating profile and pre-screen my dates.

Can you tell they had been drinking?

I wanted to die, but at the same time it was hilarious.

At least I wasn't the only one being targeted.  One of the other single girls wanted in on it and they pounced on her dating life with just as much enthusiasm.  By the end of the night, they had 5 of us single girls and were contemplating putting it out to the whole company for their opinion in a project they called the "How to Catch the Right Man" tutorial that they were going to run. 

How do I know they were calling it that?  Because one of them sent out a bloody email to the ENTIRE COMPANY trying to determine the best time slot to have this discussion.

It was about that time, that I quickly downed my last vodka and called it a night.



Monday, December 10, 2012

Is EVERYONE getting married?

I know that logically, I've reached the age where it's reasonable for my friends and acquaintances to start pairing off in wedded bliss.

I get it.

But does EVERYONE need to get married all at the same time?

Last week I got the wonderful news that my ex-boyfriend, yeah THAT ex-boyfriend, got engaged yesterday.

I'm not enthused either kid.
Yay for him.

Ironically this will be his third engagement (third time lucky dude?) and it's to a girl he started dating in May of this year.

But despite my best intentions, I was much more upset about this than I probably should have been.  In the past 6 months,  2 of my female friends and 3 of my ex-boyfriends have gotten engaged.

When friends get engaged, you're happy for them.  It's exciting but a little sad because slowly one by one, everyone gets paired off and if you're single, you can feel like you are being left behind.  But when an ex gets their Happily Ever After, especially if the break-up was ugly or you lack fond memories of the relationship as a whole it's a bit different.

Sometimes you can't help but be a little angry that they put you through hell and instead of karma kicking them in the ass, they get their happy ending and pretty little bride while you're still stuck dating the never ending group of men that falls into the "I'm 30 but still act like I'm 18" category.

Is it wrong that I hope this blows up in his face?  I mean does that make me a bad person?  I had almost 5 years of hell and left the relationship a shadow of the person I was going into it and he's going to walk off into the sunset with someone he's known about 8 months?  It's not even like I want him back or anything.  GOD NO!!

It's just my inner bitch kinda wants him to be miserable for a while longer.



p.s. BTW, 3 ex-boyfriends in the past 6 months?  If you're reading this, and I've dated you?  WTF?  Am I like the Good Luck Chuck of ex-girlfriends?