Monday, November 26, 2012

What is WRONG With Some People?!?!

Not often am I prompted to blog twice in one day.  Last time it happened, the result was "Twilight, 50 Shades of Grey and ACTUAL LITERATURE." That night, I was prompted to write because I was just baffled by something I had read on Goodreads.com.

Tonight, I am prompted to write because I have just encountered, what is possibly the biggest ASSHOLE to ever walk the face of the earth.

If ever there was an example of why I have stopped dating, this is it.

Years ago, my boss at the time joked with me that I attract assholes at an unnatural rate.  And that I should consider purchasing a t-shirt that said, "Assholes need not apply."

What I don't understand is why shitty people are just drawn to me.  I mean it can't be a karma thing.  Because unless I was like Hitler's best friend in a past life, nobody deserves this shit.

So tonight, on my way home from work.  I stopped off at the post office because I got a notice at my door that they had tried to deliver a package while I was at work.  Nothing strange there, I did my Christmas shopping last week and had ordered a few things online for people.

So I pick up my package, sign for it and am outside the post office adjusting things in my bag so I can easily carry the box home.  A man walked up to me and asked me if I had a light for his cigarette.  I politely said, "Sorry, I don't smoke."  Reasonable response right?  I don't smoke anymore and therefore don't have a lighter.

While I was continuing to shift around the things in my bad, the asshat turns to me and the conversation continues like this:

Asshole:  "Off to have a little fun?"
Me: "Excuse me?"
Asshole: "You going to ride whatever's in that box?"
Me: "What?"
Asshole: "The only places that ship with unmarked packages are "Adult Stores" so you should have fun tonight."

At which point, my fucking brain exploded.

This random asshole, was basically jumping to the conclusion that I had bought a vibrator at an adult store online that shipped with "discreet" packaging.  All because I picked up a box from the post office that was plain brown, and didn't have a company listed.  I mean it didn't have Amazon.com plastered on it or some crap like that.

Who the hell says that to a random stranger?  I mean what's the motivation and how rude can you be?  If you're goal Mr.Asshat is for me to fling myself at you because I'm clearly in need of a good shag? And is that the way you think you're going to accomplish it?

If your motivation was to just be a rude asshole.  Job accomplished.  But why me?  I don't get it.  Of all the women on the street, on all the days.  Do you just wait outside the post office waiting for the opportunity to say inappropriate things to random women?  I mean I've heard of guys randomly flashing women and crap like that.  But who, the fuck says something like that?

I really don't get it.  I mean, I would really love it if someone could explain that shit to me because my brain just can't wrap itself around the situation.

What should I have said in response?

"Yeah baby, want to watch."

Then take him home and kill him because the world is obviously better off with out him.

"Clearly you're quiet educated in the process of ordering sex toys, your girlfriend must need them to help you once you're done."

But clearly an asshole like that doesn't actually have a girlfriend.  And if he does, RUN AWAY WOMAN!!!

"Why yes it is, because I'd rather never have sex ever again in my life with a human if that human is you!"

I really don't get it.  I mean, I probably had the stupidest look in my face as I gawked at this man, called him an asshole and walked away.

It took me a minute, to fully build up a proper rage over it.  And by the time I did, I was LIVID.

Who the fuck does this guy think he is?  I repeat, who the fuck says that to a random person??

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Grumble,

Ash

p.s. In the box was a fucking handmade scarf I bought from etsy.com

16 comments:

  1. Wow. I don't know what I would say if a perfect stranger said something like that to me. :/ I hope your scarf is lovely, though. Etsy rocks!

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    1. Hey Hun, yeah I don't understand the motivations of some people. Who says that? It's for my mom. It's pretty. LOVE Etsy. Got an adorable Owl Pendant on there.

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  2. Two words, Ash: personality disorder. The correct response sounds like what you did: walked away. You can't argue with stupid. No filter obviously.

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    1. LOL. I thought it was called Head-up-ass-itis :)

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  3. Oh. My. God. I would have killed him. Or said something rude and horrible and made him cry. Because that's what he deserves.

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    1. I'm not a violent person by nature, but dude came really close to getting punched in the face.

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  4. It's so damnable hard to come up with a good snappy response when you're so taken aback, eh? My guess is he did want an invite to come watch. I would have said "I don't need a vibrator, I get off on murdering asshole smokers who lurk outside the post office." What a dipshit!

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    1. LOVE IT. I know I've come up with so many good combacks since then. At the time, I was just too shocked. My brain was like, "Sorry, all of a sudden I've decided to become a lesbian. Like right this second."

      Hope your trip is going well!!! Stay safe.

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    2. "Congratulations, A-hole. You've officially turned me off to all men and I nearby declare myself a lesbian." Heehee :) thank you!

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  5. Seriously?! What a douchebag! I can never come up with a good comeback on the spot, I'm always too flabbergasted. If it'll cheer you up, this reminds me of another story of scarf mistaken identity... My mom had given me a scarf as a gift that wasn't my style so it lived in the backseat of my car. It was in a ziplock baggie because someone she worked with was making them, so no fancy wrapping. My husband got pulled over in my car at a roadside safety check. The cops shined the light into the backseat and saw the green stringy looking scarf in a baggie and thought it was weed. I think it says something about the state of the world when scarves are mistaken for illicit drugs and sex toys.

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    1. Poor scarves, they're getting such a bad rap.

      That's pretty funny though.

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  6. That is so creepy. Don't you wish you were a man so could you could just punch him in the face? Sometimes I wish I had more upper body strength just for that reason.

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    1. It is super creepy. I mean what was he THINKING?!?

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  7. ugh!! Isn't it horrible when you think of the best retorts after the guy walks away!! That always happens to me!! Forget about him! He must have got all brain-muddled because he didn't get to suck on his cancer stick then!

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    1. LOL very true. I should have said that his brain was turned to mush from the smoking.

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