Friday, November 9, 2012

If Men Were Like Dogs......Literally

A little while ago I was inspired to write "If Men Were Like Candles".

Now you guessed it, I'm going there.  It's time to compare the different male personalities to yup, dog breeds.

I considered doing cat breeds but I figure that would just result in...sleeps a lot, licks his own butt, sticks his butt in your face at inopportune moments, poops in a box.  And that's pretty much it.  There's much more available to me with dog breeds.

Now another disclaimer, this is not intended to offend anyone.  So if you find this post because you Googled "Men are Dogs" don't bitch at me.  I'm not the one Googling "Men are Dogs" :P

So without further ado:

The "Jack Russell Terrier" Man 
Jack Russell and Golden Retriever

Very active, easily excitable, probably enjoys hunting and chasing small animals.  A little bit yippy but loyal.

The "Golden Retriever" Man

Affectionate, family oriented, good with children, likes to BBQ with the family or hang out at the beach. I picture a guy in Dockers and a Polo shirt playing with kids in the sand. Sympathetic and caring towards the elderly and blind.  Good husband material.

The "English Bulldog" Man

English Bulldog and Doberman Pinscher
Constantly on your couch grumbling or sleeping.  Probably scratches his balls in public.  Drools a lot.  Not very energetic and a little rough looking.  Potentially unemployed by choice.  Probably
drinks a lot of beer and crushes the cans on his forehead before belching.

The "Doberman Pinscher" Man

A little over protective.  The kind of guy who will get into a bar fight to defend your honor.  Works out A LOT.
Probably wears a lot of black and/or drives a motorcycle.

The "Puli" Man

Puli and Chinese Crested
Wears hemp.  Owns a Hacky Sack.  Face it, he's probably a slacker and smokes a lot of pot. Quelle Surprise? No. Go buy him some Doritos.

The "Chinese Crested" Man

The metro-sexual.  Probably wears skinny jeans,
gets Mani-Pedis, exfoliates and owns more hair products than you do.  And lets be honest,  he does a decent amount of "Manscaping".

Sorry guys, I couldn't resist.




  1. Tee hee... The Puli one is funny because it's a dog with dreads. Ahhh good times.

    1. Yeah I have to modify that one to include "wears hemp and owns a hacky sack"

  2. this is.... AWESOME. The Chinese Crested one is so dead-on. Any guy with a little yappy dog is guaranteed to be high maintenance. and I once knew a guy with a bulldog and yes, friend, you have nailed that one as well.

    1. The Bulldog is probably my fave. And don't you love the picture? This was so much fun to write.

  3. Have I mentioned that I love you? Your posts make me happier than some cookies. (You gotta admit there are certain cookies that nothing can trump.) I love the last one. Hilarious.

    1. Love you too. But can I say?? Mmmmmmm cookies.

      These posts have been SO MUCH FUN to write, and once I start I just can't help myself. I'm waiting for the Anonymous "You're such a bitch" comment though. Surprised the candle one didn't get any.

    2. Pffft. I got the "you're ignorant of fine art because you hate this famous author I love" comment and lived to tell (barely). "Anonymous" is obviously a Chinese Crested. Nobody should listen to the yappy dog.

    3. I imagine "Anonymous" is a standard poodle. Full of themselves with a stick up their asses ;)

  4. This post made me laugh in the midst of a really sucky day. For that, I thank you!

    1. Woo hoo!! My work here is done.


  5. haha, love it!

    I think I got myself kind of a Jack Russell which is also the kind of dog I've always thought I'd go for if I ever got one!