Wednesday, May 2, 2012

A Note on Phobias aka. Yup, Spiders Terrify Me.

I fully admit it.  I am terrified of spiders.

Every time one gets into my apartment I always have this running stream of dialogue going through my head:

How did it get in?

How long has it been here?

What has it touched?

OMG what if it crawled over me in my sleep?!?!?

Kill it! Kill it with fire!!!

Case in point, last evening I was having a shower. Now keep in mind that without my glasses I am blind as a bat.

While washing my hair I noticed something on the tile about 10 inches in front of my face.  Now because it was blurry I thought, 'Maybe it's a piece of fluff.'  Or 'Maybe it's a piece of hair.'

And then it moved.

NOTHING can make you feel more like a terrified child than being naked, covered in soap, partially blind and within a few inches of a huge spider. 

As calmly as possible, I grabbed a piece of toilet paper, smooshed it and quickly flushed it down the toilet.  But for the rest of my shower I was paranoid. 

What if it had fallen on my head?

Did it crawl all over my shampoo bottle?

Ewww it probably touched my soap!!

By the time I was done I had contemplated throwing out all of the products in my bathroom and scrubbing every square inch with bleach. 

After a few calming breaths I had talked myself out of this but I still remember the fear. 

Most phobias are totally irrational, and the great thing about having a phobia is that you usually KNOW it's totally irrational.  I've never been bitten by a spider, and where I live the spiders don't even get that huge unless you're traipsing through the great outdoors. 

Yet still, they terrify me. 

One of the biggest challenges when I moved out on my own was being forced to kill my own bugs.  I mean when I lived with my parents, the bug killing was always my dad's responsibility as my mother is equally terrified. 

You'd think that being forced to deal with them on my own would help me conquer my fear but nooooooooooooo.  If anything it has gotten worse.  I go into a little panic, my heart starts to race and I find the most sturdy shoe possible to protect me from what amounts to something the sized of a quarter. 

Ironically when my cat sees a spider in the house, he turns into a jungle prowler and stalks it until he can pounce.  This is both entertaining and horrifying to me.

Is it possible to truly conquer this silly fear?  I know it's fairly common but has anyone ever been able to get to a point where seeing a spider in their home doesn't make them spazz out just a little bit?

Cheers,

Ash

#1 Spider Fear: Having one fall on my head
#2 Spider Fear: Finding one in my shoe as I go to put it on.
#3 Spider Fear: Having one fall onto any part of my body.

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