Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Being Accident Prone: A Day in the Life

Hi.  My name is Ash and I am possibly the most accident prone person on the planet.

I mean SERIOUSLY accident prone. And not just accident prone but a magnet for bizarre occurrences.

If a piano were to fall out of the sky tomorrow, it would find a way to land on my head.

Two years ago I broke my right wrist in two places. 

How?

A window fell on me. 

Seriously.

I was opening one of the old windows in my apartment, and something gave and it slammed down on me before I could pull my hands out of the way.

See?  Accident prone.

I have cracked ribs coughing with Bronchitis, gotten stitches from a window shattering while I cleaned it.  You name it.  I've done it. 

You know the kind of person that burns their tongue EVERY time they drink something hot?  Yeah, that's me.

I'm also prone to mystery bruises and mystery cuts.  A few weeks ago I got my arm caught on a door handle and had a bruise that pretty much covered my whole forearm.  And the other day I cut a huge chunk out of my hand on the ragged edge of a can.  Me and pointy things don't mix.

The great thing about being a klutz is that I always have a variety of entertaining stories outlining my random escapades.

The window story makes people laugh and cringe every time.

Recently my downfall has been electronics.

I have had more things break on me in the last few weeks than is reasonable for any one human being.  It started before Christmas.  I was watching a movie and my DVD player to crap out on me half way through the film.  One second it was working and the next it was frozen.  I killed the power and the bloody thing wouldn't turn back on.

A few weeks later I was at my staff Christmas party and lost my BlackBerry.

A few days after that I went to turn on my eBook reader and it had nice funky black lines going down the screen.

The week of Christmas my glasses broke.

New Years Eve I went to turn on my camera and i flickered and died.

Last week I went to turn on the lamp in my bedroom and it pretty much exploded.

And finally on Sunday the washing machine in my building broke. 

Seriously. 

I put my clothes is, put in the soap, put in my coins and NOTHING.  I ended up having to haul out my soap covered laundry, put it in a big plastic garbage bag and go to my parents house.

Honestly my mother is surprised I survived to adulthood.

For that fact sometimes I'm surprised too.

So for all my fellow accident prone people.  It's OK.  I understand.  It's not your fault. 

And if that piano ever does fall on me, feel free to put on my headstone "Crushed by a falling piano.  Honestly, we're not surprised."

Cheers,

Ash

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